Taking it Day by Day

It has almost been two months since my love has left us. To me it just seems like yesterday. I was doing pretty good for a while when I had a lot of stuff to keep me busy. Well now that things have finally settled down it finally hit me. Yes, that terrible roller coaster called grief. Let me tell you, there is nothing like it in the world. This is one ride I would like to get off of but life has other plans for me.
After a couple of weeks of really being down, I decided that this is something that I am just going to have to deal with like it or not.

Life is not fair and whoever said it was easy is full of crap!! There are times that I am hit so hard by a roller coaster of emotions that I feel I physically cannot breathe. The pain in my heart is so strong and overpowers me at times. Then there are the times when I actually can smile, laugh and enjoy life. There comes a point when you just put on a happy face and fake a smile because you know after a while people just don't want to hear how bad your day is or how you just feel like you are teetering on the edge of sanity. So for their sake I just fake being ok. My heart is very broken and shattered into a million little pieces and I know that one day it will be mended. It will never go back quiet the same but it will mend. I miss him everyday.

I put my whole faith in God and let him carry me on the days when I just don't want or feel that I can go on without Ted. In a weird way I love him more each day even though he is not physically here with us anymore. I will always love Ted and he will always have a piece of my heart that is just for him. I know that he is still with me in spirit as I feel him everyday. On the really bad days when I have to cry myself to sleep I can really feel him. Don't get me wrong, I feel his love around me every day but it is nice to know that when I have reached a point of being so sad, he is watching out over me. God will get me through this and one day I will be able to make sense of this. I will know what I am supposed to take from this.