Christmas Cookies

I baked Fruitcake Cookies tonight, these bring back a lot of memories for me. My Grandma baked them every year and gave them out to a lot of family members who cherished her baked goods. It brings back memories of childhood and being in her kitchen which always smelled so good. I remember sitting on her yellow chair that was also a stool and helping her measure and mix things up. I remember her humming while she baked for days on end. I remember her laugh and how much love she showed all of us.

I bake these cookies every year in honor of her and that happened to be Ted's favorite cookies too. Tonight when I was making them I was a little sad as I remembered my Grandma and not having Ted here to snatch the first dozen as soon as they came out of the oven. He wouldn't even let them get cool first....lol. I am going to do my best to survive this Christmas and try not to miss him too much.

Christmas is Coming

Christmas is coming and this is one holiday that has got me down. I am doing my best to stay in the Christmas spirit but it is really hard. This is my first Christmas without Ted and everywhere I look there are constant reminders of him. I was in K Mar the other day and what do they have as a gift set, Star Wars coffee mugs...ugh! I know that he would have loved those. Then there are all the happy (or so they seem to me) couples together and I am reminded that this Christmas for the first time in 6 years I an all alone. It pretty much sucks ass.

Ted loved Christmas sooo much and was such a big kid about it. I found myself picking up some Family Guy pj's the other day thinking to myself, oh Ted will love these for Chris....then a snap back into reality that he will not be here this year. How do I keep my heart from shattering all over again???? I wish someone had the answer for me and I could just snap my fingers and these terrible feelings would just go away. I do have a wonderful family who I am blessed to be with during the holidays and I try to keep that in mind. It is just really hard not being able to share this with him physically. I know that spiritually he is here with me as I feel him every now and then. I will do my best to enjoy Christmas enough this year for both of us......