Christmas is coming and this is one holiday that has got me down. I am doing my best to stay in the Christmas spirit but it is really hard. This is my first Christmas without Ted and everywhere I look there are constant reminders of him. I was in K Mar the other day and what do they have as a gift set, Star Wars coffee mugs...ugh! I know that he would have loved those. Then there are all the happy (or so they seem to me) couples together and I am reminded that this Christmas for the first time in 6 years I an all alone. It pretty much sucks ass.
Ted loved Christmas sooo much and was such a big kid about it. I found myself picking up some Family Guy pj's the other day thinking to myself, oh Ted will love these for Chris....then a snap back into reality that he will not be here this year. How do I keep my heart from shattering all over again???? I wish someone had the answer for me and I could just snap my fingers and these terrible feelings would just go away. I do have a wonderful family who I am blessed to be with during the holidays and I try to keep that in mind. It is just really hard not being able to share this with him physically. I know that spiritually he is here with me as I feel him every now and then. I will do my best to enjoy Christmas enough this year for both of us......
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