So it finally happened, I hit that dip and dark pool of grief that I have been fighting for the last nine months. OMG, can I just say that there are no words for the level of pain that I felt. I have been putting up my walls of defense for so long and fighting having to deal with it. Well I truly believe that there comes a point when your body says enough is enough and you are finally going to deal with this shit like it or not.
It hit me this past Sunday, for some reason unknown to me Sundays seem to be my breakdown days. Well actually I think it is because Sundays were our special days as it was usually the only one that we had off together.....
Anyway, I had a complete and total meltdown Sunday. To the point that I could NOT quit crying for anything in the world no matter how bad I tried. I am not suicidal but the pain that I felt in my heart was so intense and physically was at the point I would have done anything to make it stop. There is a point when you are hurting so bad and you can't even console yourself where you have to turn to your make to make it stop. So that is what I did, I begged God for mercy to make this pain go away.
In a way I am glad that it finally happened, it means that the shock of Ted's death has finally worn off and now I can actually deal with the grief so that I can hopefully start my way on the road to healing.
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