So much has happened and my life is just one big roller coaster of emotion right now. Ted has been gone three weeks today and it all just still seems so surreal to me at this moment.
There are certain songs I can listen to that remind me of him and I have to change the station once they start playing. I find myself at times drawing into myself and not wanting to talk to or be around people. Then there are times I think I might just be ok and want to be around people. Yes I manage to get up and come to work everyday but not wanting to be here. A wonderful co worker of mine give me some materials to read about grief and it's process and this poem was in one of those books. It pretty much sums up how I feel at this point.
Don't tell me that you understand
Don't tell me that you know
Don't tell me that I will survive
How I will surely grow.
Don't tell me this is just a test
That I am truly blessed
That I am chosen for this task
Apart from all the rest
Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me
Don't tell me how my grief will pass
That I will soon be free
Don't stand in pious judgement
Of the bonds I must untie
Don't tell me how to suffer
And don't tell me how to cry
My life is filled with selfishness
My pain is all I see
But I need you, I need your love
Unconditionally
Accept me in my ups and downs
I need someone to share
Just hold my hand and let me cry
And say "My friend, I care"
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