There are so many things that I want to tell you

Hey Baby,
There are so many things that I want to tell you and ask you. There are times when I just feel like I can do this. Everyone expects me to be so strong and handle this so well. Well there are times when all I want to do is shut the whole world away and hide. At times I think that I am coping very well and ready to start moving on to a somewhat normal life. Then there are the times like driving home from work that my grief overwhelms me so much that all I can do is let the tears fall and beg God to end this pain. I have so many doubts and fears about things such as Are you really at peace? Will you forget me and what we had together? Will I ever seen you again and what will that day be like if it happens?
There are times when I get so lonely and I don't feel like I have a friend in the world even though I do. Nights are the hardest time for me. Do you know that I still reach for you sometimes? Do you know that there are still a lot of nights when I cry myself to sleep? Do you know how much it broke my heart having to let you go and honestly believe it in my heart when I told you it was ok to move on. I have been very angry with God and I know you shouldn't but I am not going to lie about it. Truthfully I have been pissed off at everyone and everything. Then it hit me I am pissed at you the most and for that I feel so guilty. I know you did not leave me on purpose but it still hurts me that you did. I love you so deeply and miss you more than anyone could ever know. It hurts knowing that you never got to be a daddy and even though you doubted it at times I know in my heart you would have been a wonderful one. See the thing is my love I am scared to have to move on with my life without you in it. I don't know what to do or where to go. I would give anything just to have you put your arms around me again, your chin on my head and hear your voice tell me that you love me and that I am going to be ok. Is that really too much to ask, I guess so because it's not ever going to happen again. I make you this promise that even though one day I know I will go on with my life and I might even try to love someone else, I will never ever forget you or how much love you brought to me. In the worst days of hell that I experience I somehow always manage to find one fleeting moment of a happy memory of you and that my love is when I know you might just still be around to guide me. Please don't forget me and please don't think for one minute that I am going to forget you. You have taken a huge part of my heart with you and I will have your love to carry me. I miss you so much, so very much and I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I will love you even more tomorrow. Your life and love for it has forever changed me and that is a gift I will always treasure. Love forever, Me