Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A Moment I am Dreading
As it gets closer to September, I am dreading the 16th more and more. I cannot believe it will have been a year since Ted was taken away from us.
Somedays it still just seems like yesterday. These eleven months have been a whirl wind of emotions that I would not wish on my worst enemy for anything in the world.
I miss so many things about him so much and I am just scared to death to ever think about trying to love someone else like that ever again in my life.
Maybe I will just be alone the rest of my life and would that really be a bad thing? I don't know. Yes it does suck being lonely and not having someone to come home to and share all the stupid little details of your day with. It sucks not having someone hold you at night too. Would I ever really be happy with anyone else? At this time I will say no because they would never be him and that is what I wish for more than anything but, have finally accepted that he is never coming back to me.
Yes it sucks to see all of my friends in love with their mates and content in their lives while mine is a cluster of shit honestly. There are times when I feel that I just do not have any ting in common with them at all anymore. We are just not in the same place in our lives and will never be on the same page again. Life is a cruel and vicious teacher and at times I would just like to tell it to piss off.
Don't get me wrong I love my friends more than anything but it is hard to relate to someone who has never experienced this kind of loss. After a while everyone gets tired of hearing about this and they just want you to tell them that you are ok so they can feel better about themselves and you. Well there comes a point when you just lie and say "you know what things are getting better for me", honestly even though you still feel so empty and void on the inside.
Sure you could fill some of your lonely nights with a one night stand here or there and it might make you feel better in that moment to have another human being touch you or hold you for a little while but, in the end you are still alone so what is the damn point in that? It won't solve anything and truthfully will just make you feel worse about your situation and yourself. There are times when I just want to pack my car and move somewhere else but all of these feelings would still be there once the newness wears off. I guess there really is no solution to this problem, all I can do is continue to ride this merry go round and hope someday it finally just stops for me and I can get off.
Somedays it still just seems like yesterday. These eleven months have been a whirl wind of emotions that I would not wish on my worst enemy for anything in the world.
I miss so many things about him so much and I am just scared to death to ever think about trying to love someone else like that ever again in my life.
Maybe I will just be alone the rest of my life and would that really be a bad thing? I don't know. Yes it does suck being lonely and not having someone to come home to and share all the stupid little details of your day with. It sucks not having someone hold you at night too. Would I ever really be happy with anyone else? At this time I will say no because they would never be him and that is what I wish for more than anything but, have finally accepted that he is never coming back to me.
Yes it sucks to see all of my friends in love with their mates and content in their lives while mine is a cluster of shit honestly. There are times when I feel that I just do not have any ting in common with them at all anymore. We are just not in the same place in our lives and will never be on the same page again. Life is a cruel and vicious teacher and at times I would just like to tell it to piss off.
Don't get me wrong I love my friends more than anything but it is hard to relate to someone who has never experienced this kind of loss. After a while everyone gets tired of hearing about this and they just want you to tell them that you are ok so they can feel better about themselves and you. Well there comes a point when you just lie and say "you know what things are getting better for me", honestly even though you still feel so empty and void on the inside.
Sure you could fill some of your lonely nights with a one night stand here or there and it might make you feel better in that moment to have another human being touch you or hold you for a little while but, in the end you are still alone so what is the damn point in that? It won't solve anything and truthfully will just make you feel worse about your situation and yourself. There are times when I just want to pack my car and move somewhere else but all of these feelings would still be there once the newness wears off. I guess there really is no solution to this problem, all I can do is continue to ride this merry go round and hope someday it finally just stops for me and I can get off.
Ready to get started back
Well I am going to have to start over with the p90x. I worked out a total of five days and then came down with a sinus infection and bronchitis. I am so over being sick this year!
I still feel a little like poo so my plan is to get back on track by Sunday. I am having some nasty coughing fits so working out right now is just not going to happen. I might try to just do some yoga anyway to keep myself stretched out.
This really pisses me off to no end, just when I start doing good about eating better and taking better care of myself, my body decides it wants to rebel and get sick.,....
I still feel a little like poo so my plan is to get back on track by Sunday. I am having some nasty coughing fits so working out right now is just not going to happen. I might try to just do some yoga anyway to keep myself stretched out.
This really pisses me off to no end, just when I start doing good about eating better and taking better care of myself, my body decides it wants to rebel and get sick.,....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Well if this just doesn't suck
Day 5
Well I woke up with a nasty sinus infection this morning and felt like total poo all day. My head was hurting so bad this morning I didn't work out and I feel so bad about it.
I have every intention of getting back on track tomorrow. I may not finish it but I will do the very best that I can do with this nasty head cold.
Stay tuned kiddos.....
Well I woke up with a nasty sinus infection this morning and felt like total poo all day. My head was hurting so bad this morning I didn't work out and I feel so bad about it.
I have every intention of getting back on track tomorrow. I may not finish it but I will do the very best that I can do with this nasty head cold.
Stay tuned kiddos.....
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Day 5 - No pain - yet
So yesterday was the Yoga workout. Let me tell you, I thought to myself oh hell ya I can do this one no problem. Well scratch that theory all to hell and back my friends.
Yoga is hard!! That's right I said it, I always that yoga was just a bunch of breathing and stretching exercises. Oh hell no, it is ment to tone you up. It did work a lot of my soreness from the day before out though. There were several poses I just could not do and hopefully I will be able to soon.
Today's workout was Legs & Back and that AB ripper. I am still out of breath and still cannot do a lot of reps but that is not going to discourage me, oh no,See I LOVE a challenge!
I have started keeping a food journal and writing down every little thing that I eat...I hope this well help motivate me to stay the hell away from Krispy Kreme and all things glorious such as that :)
I would have to rate the pain level today a 7/10. I am sure in the morning it will be a 10/10. Tomorrow's feature kiddos is Kenpo, I may not be able to walk at all on Friday. Wish me luck
Yoga is hard!! That's right I said it, I always that yoga was just a bunch of breathing and stretching exercises. Oh hell no, it is ment to tone you up. It did work a lot of my soreness from the day before out though. There were several poses I just could not do and hopefully I will be able to soon.
Today's workout was Legs & Back and that AB ripper. I am still out of breath and still cannot do a lot of reps but that is not going to discourage me, oh no,See I LOVE a challenge!
I have started keeping a food journal and writing down every little thing that I eat...I hope this well help motivate me to stay the hell away from Krispy Kreme and all things glorious such as that :)
I would have to rate the pain level today a 7/10. I am sure in the morning it will be a 10/10. Tomorrow's feature kiddos is Kenpo, I may not be able to walk at all on Friday. Wish me luck
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Yoga -It's Not So Bad but It's Not all the great either
Day 4
Well yesterday was pure agony for me. After my extensive workout on Sunday which I thought I did pretty good at I was so fooled come Monday morning.
I could barely walk or sit at all yesterday. This morning I got to do part of my Yoga workout... will have to redo it this evening when I get home.
The yoga was not so bad but hell I may not be able to get out of bed tomorrow either. It usually takes me till the next morning to see how much my body hates me from the workout the day before....lol
Some of the poses are so far out of my league that all I could do was just try to do them. Hopefully one day soon I will be able to master them all. On top of all this I swear I feel like I am coming down with something again. My throat is a little achy and it had better just be my allergies because I am not ready to go down the pneumonia road again anytime soon!
I will let you know how tomorrow goes! Wish me luck :)
I read over the nutrition plan again and it's not so bad. They want you to eat 5 times a day, wtf? So this morning I had two scrambled egg whites with a little cheddar cheese on whole wheat toast. I am having a banana for a snack and for lunch, veggie soup (homemade). I haven't thought about dinner yet....
Well yesterday was pure agony for me. After my extensive workout on Sunday which I thought I did pretty good at I was so fooled come Monday morning.
I could barely walk or sit at all yesterday. This morning I got to do part of my Yoga workout... will have to redo it this evening when I get home.
The yoga was not so bad but hell I may not be able to get out of bed tomorrow either. It usually takes me till the next morning to see how much my body hates me from the workout the day before....lol
Some of the poses are so far out of my league that all I could do was just try to do them. Hopefully one day soon I will be able to master them all. On top of all this I swear I feel like I am coming down with something again. My throat is a little achy and it had better just be my allergies because I am not ready to go down the pneumonia road again anytime soon!
I will let you know how tomorrow goes! Wish me luck :)
I read over the nutrition plan again and it's not so bad. They want you to eat 5 times a day, wtf? So this morning I had two scrambled egg whites with a little cheddar cheese on whole wheat toast. I am having a banana for a snack and for lunch, veggie soup (homemade). I haven't thought about dinner yet....
Monday, August 16, 2010
Is it normal for your butt hurt like this?
Day 3
Well I managed to get half of my workout done this morning. The alarm goes off at the ungodly hour of 5 am and I think ok, time to jump out and hit it. Oh hell no you aren't my body says. See yesterday I did the plyometrics dvd, which he informs you at the beginning is the hardest one in the series. I silently think to myself, why in the hell would you make someone do this on only their 2nd day then?
So my legs and my butt hurt and there was no jumping out of bed this morning, I had to roll out of bed very carefully. Can we say ow,ow,ow..OUCH?! Let's just say the warm up exercises were excruciating to no end.
This one ain't for a sissy let me tell you. There were points when I just had to stop and catch my breath. So far I have learned from this videos that I am way out of shape and the burn and soreness means it is working.
I have to go home tonight and do my ab workout and I am sure I will be whining again tomorrow, it's yoga, I am scared to think what that one is going to entail....
Well I managed to get half of my workout done this morning. The alarm goes off at the ungodly hour of 5 am and I think ok, time to jump out and hit it. Oh hell no you aren't my body says. See yesterday I did the plyometrics dvd, which he informs you at the beginning is the hardest one in the series. I silently think to myself, why in the hell would you make someone do this on only their 2nd day then?
So my legs and my butt hurt and there was no jumping out of bed this morning, I had to roll out of bed very carefully. Can we say ow,ow,ow..OUCH?! Let's just say the warm up exercises were excruciating to no end.
This one ain't for a sissy let me tell you. There were points when I just had to stop and catch my breath. So far I have learned from this videos that I am way out of shape and the burn and soreness means it is working.
I have to go home tonight and do my ab workout and I am sure I will be whining again tomorrow, it's yoga, I am scared to think what that one is going to entail....
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