A Moment I am Dreading

As it gets closer to September, I am dreading the 16th more and more. I cannot believe it will have been a year since Ted was taken away from us.
Somedays it still just seems like yesterday. These eleven months have been a whirl wind of emotions that I would not wish on my worst enemy for anything in the world.
I miss so many things about him so much and I am just scared to death to ever think about trying to love someone else like that ever again in my life.
Maybe I will just be alone the rest of my life and would that really be a bad thing? I don't know. Yes it does suck being lonely and not having someone to come home to and share all the stupid little details of your day with. It sucks not having someone hold you at night too. Would I ever really be happy with anyone else? At this time I will say no because they would never be him and that is what I wish for more than anything but, have finally accepted that he is never coming back to me.
Yes it sucks to see all of my friends in love with their mates and content in their lives while mine is a cluster of shit honestly. There are times when I feel that I just do not have any ting in common with them at all anymore. We are just not in the same place in our lives and will never be on the same page again. Life is a cruel and vicious teacher and at times I would just like to tell it to piss off.
Don't get me wrong I love my friends more than anything but it is hard to relate to someone who has never experienced this kind of loss. After a while everyone gets tired of hearing about this and they just want you to tell them that you are ok so they can feel better about themselves and you. Well there comes a point when you just lie and say "you know what things are getting better for me", honestly even though you still feel so empty and void on the inside.
Sure you could fill some of your lonely nights with a one night stand here or there and it might make you feel better in that moment to have another human being touch you or hold you for a little while but, in the end you are still alone so what is the damn point in that? It won't solve anything and truthfully will just make you feel worse about your situation and yourself. There are times when I just want to pack my car and move somewhere else but all of these feelings would still be there once the newness wears off. I guess there really is no solution to this problem, all I can do is continue to ride this merry go round and hope someday it finally just stops for me and I can get off.